Recurring Depression

This post was submitted by a reader.I am 46 years old and have taken antidepressants (Lexapro, Paxil, now Zoloft) for 10 years.  But the reason I began taking them wasn’t due to my own need for relief from depression or anxiety.  It was actually an effort to improve my relationship with my husband at the time.  He suffered from depression and took medication, but said that I was overly critical, driven, intense, etc. and I think he was right.  But I was also young and immature, and am an engineer by profession.  I do have a critical thought process, no doubt.  We were mismatched from the start and separated not long after I started the medication, but have a 11 year old son together.  The divorce process, and going back to work full time as a single mom was difficult and stressful.  But after taking the Lexapro for over 4 years, I actaully began feeling lethargic and depressed and decided to stop taking it cold turkey.  Big mistake, I learned the hard way, and ended up on Paxil after a few months. Now I am having the same problem with the Paxil, and I really just want to get off the medication all together because I feel that it is causing the depression.  I was never depressed to begin with, but now I am!  After a couple of bad experiences with withdrawal symptoms from coming off the meds, I am really apprehensive about trying to taper off of them, but I want myself back, not this medicated, lethargic, irritable, unproductive person.  I was far from perfect, as my ex-husband made painfully clear, but I always had hope for a better future and energy to work for it.  I can’t help but feel that the meds have done more harm than good in my particular situation.  I just wonder if others have had similar experiences?  Thank you and best wishes in whatever you are searching for…

A Reader

  • cledwyn goodpuds

    Yup, that’s how I feel. I take my venlafaxine overnight, and literally wake up almost every morning wanting to die, kind of like Sisyphus feels when, his boulder having rolled back down the hill just before he had reached the top, he has to start all over again.

    They are pro-depressants, not anti-. They are, to borrow from Kraus on the subject psychoanalysis, delivered in his charcateristically epigrammatic style, the disease they purport to cure!

    Psychiatry is just a big racket, feeding parasitically off the suffering of others, and a mechanism for the control of the individual withal. It is one of the great ironies of history that that which has its object the amelioration of human suffering has only served to augment the species’ quotient thereof, though the irony dissipates when one apprehends that this is nothing more than a false front.

    “The urge to save humanity is nothing more than a false front for the urge to rule it.”

    H.L. Mencken

    Never invite a psychiatrist to dinner, because he might just end up eating you!

    Psychiatry lures us with the promise of sublunary salvation, like moths to the flame. Yet all its promises are mere snares by which one is delivered over to the suffering which one sought deliverance from.

    The perfect concrete symbol and spatial embodiment of the deceptive, treacherous nature of psychiatry was the asylum; outwardly, it seemed like a place there to offer succor and sustenance to the wretched, the abused, the tormented, and humiliated, but upon entry, the patient realized he had been conned (followed by the realization that the only asylum you’ll find in this world is in a fukin grave).

    I’ve tried to come off the drugs as well, but I find it just too horrible. What’s worse, you’ll get no support from the people who put you in this predicament. Then again, if it is folly to expect to get counseling for rape from the person who raped you, it is surely equally so to expect a psychiatrist to help you come off the drugs they’ve conned you into taking for their own financial advantage.

    Psychiatrists should try to encourage their patients, for the betterment of their condition, to engage in creative, purposive activity. The lack thereof makes life hellishly unbearable, little more than a promontory jutting out over a vast abyss upon whose edge one is permanently poised, the temptation always being to hurl yourself off of it, though the thought of death and obligation to one’s family may stop one from doing so.

    Or they should encourage the patient to take an interest in art, because in aesthetic contemplation we can imaginatively map the contours of our own experience onto those of the artist or his fictional characters, by this means finding solace through identification with another (rarely can we do this with the people we know) whilst, through the artist’s superior insight, attaining to a better understanding of our condition; empowerment presupposes knowledge of that which ails us, as surely as anything which conceals the source thereof is disempowering, assuming that is that one’s condition admits of amelioration, or even a cure.

    For example, through Hamlet I came to understand my own Weltschmerz, that is, that state of mind in which the conflict between ideality and reality is eloquent, between the individual’s dreams and desires on the one hand, and a world that perpetually thwarts them on the other.

    Art has helped me more than any of the crap psychiatrists peddle.

    The psychiatrist’s frame of reference (that is, the filter of concepts and assumptions through which the suffering they encounter is perceived and meaning created) is clearly counter-productive, insofar as the aim is to help the patient that is, as I think we can both attest from experience, so I think it would be better if people turned to the great artists and thinkers for help on their Via Dolorosa.

  • cledwyn oodpuds

    Nevertheless, the harm done by these drugs is explained away by the fact that the patient seeks the service of the psychiatrist, ergo he only has himself to blame. This is like saying that cowboy builders who ruin people’s houses, or whose work doesn’t cover the costs, shouldn’t be exposed to the full rigor of the law, after all, their services were sought, often sought, as is the case with patients, by desperate people.

    I don’t think many people would defend the latter, yet there is this pervasive attitude that if you seek the services of a psychiatrist then, ipso facto, you are responsible for any harm that results from this meeting. I’m as uncomfortable with this, to say the least, as I am with the far less common notion that a botched job by a cowboy builder, either because of incompetence or a desire for profit at someone else’s expense, is justified, because you sought that person’s service.

  • all too easy

    Don’t believe it. More, perfectly contrived propaganda from the “I hate psychiatry” crowd. Sounds exactly like every paid contributor to their dying cause. One day, an Antieverything (*imposter) just may express a little happiness or tell a joke or three. Can you imagine an anti being a little light hearted for a moment or two? I’ll need heavy drugging if that ever happens, after my massive heart attack.

  • Harry hobbes

    You explain away everything. Many antipsychotic drugs are so effective, they return hope to the hopeless.

  • all too easy

    But after taking the Lexapro for over 4 years, I actaully began feeling lethargic and depressed and decided to stop taking it cold turkey. Big mistake, I learned the hard way, Parrot (SOS–same old story)
    Did you read the packaging insert, “Prescribing Information” and “Warnings and Precautions”? It is very clear that one should not stop taking the med abruptly. But that is psychiatry’s fault.

  • Yes. I experienced the same thing as far as the drugs causing long lasting depression. And this is a known effect of these drugs and that when one tries to stop taking them things get worse instead of better. Please consder seeking support from those who have successfully gotten off these drugs. A good place to start might be http://www.survivingantidepressants.org and http://www.beyondmeds.com

    Good luck. You can be free but it will take time and effort. Learn about slow tapers and in time you can be free and healthy again.

  • Harry hobbes

    Read the insert. It is quite clear. These meds may create various negative side-effects. Beware!