I am a 58 year old male.
I was born into a dysfunctional family with issues of shame and guilt. I believe that this affected my psychological state. I had severe Asthma and I was unintentionally put in front of an open fire and out in a cold street in my pram where I was exposed to leaded petrol car fumes.This was very traumatic possible PTSD. we also had a long haired dog. All these things were my triggers for asthma for years to come. We were a poor family in those days and would eat a lot of bread.Flour etc. I had skin prick testing for my Asthma allergies and was sensitive to most things.
I had the symptoms of Attention deficit disorder which ruined my education, I never learned to punctuate and anything other than basic maths was a complete mystery to me. after asking the teacher to explain things for the sixth time I would give up out of embarrassment. I was shy and withdrawn and did not communicate at family gatherings.
My concentration problems continued into my working life where I lost jobs because I would make regular mistakes or just sit there in a daze unable to work.I loved music and put this before my work.I could not grasp how to read music and was self taught.
I could never get up in the mornings for school or work. and was constantly sleepy and unable to concentrate. In 1986 I met a girl who was an only adopted child she was needy and when she asked me to marry her I agreed. I am a people pleaser. I do things to make others happy. we were together for 7 years and my health was much better probably due to good nutrition which was her career. I was turning into a workaholic trying to please my wife who wanted a baby and my employers.
I was hailed as the best manager in the company. I worked so hard and then became irritable and told my boss to fuck off when he criticized me. I told him if he could do a better job then he was welcome to do it. I started to binge eat on bread, knocked a wall down in my house and became psychotic.My doctor thought I was having a nervous breakdown and told me to take time off work.
My boss told me that this was unacceptable and I was to continue working to the same high standard. I saw a solicitor who told me I had a very good case against my employers I knocked a wall down in my house thinking I wanted a spiral staircase !.I crashed into a deep depression and was sleeping 18 hours a day un restorative sleep. I could only crawl out of bed to eat and the most convenient thing was bread !.
My wife told me that our marriage was over and that I should leave the house. I returned to my parents house in Norfolk to rest.
It took me four years to return to relative health where I would spend time in the garden relaxing.
I tried to work in a factory doing night shifts but soon became driven and irritable I was still people pleasing. I became agitated and soon left exhausted.
In 1999 my father bought me a house where we would take in lodgers to help pay the mortgage one of those lodgers became very attached to me as we were both musicians. When his band fell apart he started having jealous Narcissistic rages against me. I started binge eating on bread again. I asked my father to get him to leave but he refused saying he was a good payer.I should have been more assertive. I started researching his behaviour on the internet. He would run around the house and was hyperactive I came across Narcissist. I was scared out of my life !. He would shout at me. “look at me Look at me ” He told me he could not understand why eytt people did not want to be like him. I cracked and replied. you work in a factory and you ride a bike. why would anyone want to be like you ?. He continued his tyrade. I don’t like you talking to girls I like. I don’t want you playing in a band coz that’s what I want to do. I don’t want you spending my rent money on things you like !.
I became depressed and started sleeping for up to 16 hours a day. He seemed almost pleased that I was out of the way. I asked him to calm down as he was making me ill.A friend of mine told me that he had asked him to help him undermine me. We asked him to leave the house. I went to the doctor who told me that he could find nothing wrong with me. I believe that I was suffering from Post traumatic stress disorder.
I had made lots of notes as to what had been going on and was hopeful I would get some answers. eventually the doctor referred me to a psychiatrist who did not have the time to read my notes and said I had Bipolar 2 and was all over the place. I wasn’t. He agreed that I should have psychotherapy before being put on drugs. I waited fourteen months but was then told that the treatment was not available. I went to see my local mp who got involved. but nothing happened.
Eventually I was put on 5mg of Olanzapine which just made me very sleepy and gain 4 stone in weight. I had suspected that I had seasonal affective disorder because I had some relief from my symptoms in summer. In previous years I had felt great in the sun but now when I went on holiday I just slept and slept.. after ten years of depression I became desperate. I could not face another winter.I agrred with my dentist to have all my teeth removed because I was incapable of looking after them so I asked my doctor to give me an anti depressant. she refused probably being afraid it would cause hypomania. I decided to take matters into my own hands . I took 400mg of SAM-e a natural anti depressant for ten days and went hypomanic. when I stopped all my depressive symptoms were gone. I was sleeping for 7 hours a night and I felt great.!.
I had read that bipolar 2 was caused by food intolerances and Candida albicans. with my new found energy I decided that I needed to loose some weight as I was 19 stone 6 pounds.so I cut out grains, sugar and dairy from my diet and started a candida detox and diet.. after a couple of weeks I decided to try the SAM-e again and guess what ? No hypomania !. I contacted prof Nick Craddock of Bipolar research and asked him how could this be ? I have been asked to join in Bipolar research. After another couple of weeks I had an enormous amount of black stools and my stomach became very sensitive to several foods. It would seem that I had been gluten intolerant all my life
I could now concentrate ,read books and it was noticed that I seemed to have had an intelligence,personality and vocabulary transplant. So this was what it was like to be normal !.I continue to have problems with my diet and issues with constipation. I am currently having the most stressfull time of my life as my father 94 wants to die and my sister has terminal bowel cancer. There is no sign of psychosis. I am experiencing anger and headaches but these are just normal signs of stress.
Never give up hope
best of health to you all.
A Reader