Tell Your Story

In the late ’90s I experienced some kind of distress of consciousness. My wife took me to the emergency room of a local hospital and I was told I had “bipolar disorder,” an incurable “mental illness” which meant I would have to be on psychiatric drugs the rest of my life. We now know that the idea of chemical imbalances in the brain is a myth (http://www.cepuk.org). This simple story took away my humanity. How? It was a tragedy of errors. Nobody knows how consciousness arises from or is connected to the brain. It is one of the most complicated and fascinating questions of our modern age. (Start with “Conversations on Consciousness” by Susan Blackmore (2005) and go from there.) ...

Thank you very much for your article in regards to the validity of Bi-polar Disorder. my mother claimed to have that and other mental disorders to qualify for SSDI. Of course she had physicians who were all to eager to verify her “self diagnosis”. They saw a cash cow and I suppose so did she on a lesser scale. She was physically, mentally and verbally abusive to my brothers and me. Every time she would abuse us it was always because she had a “mental illness”. We were just supposed to forgive her and move on. I hate her, I hated her then and I hate her now. She stole my childhood and my brothers childhood away from us. I knew there wasn’t anything wrong with her other than the fact she was an angry person who wanted constant sympathy from others and saw my brothers and me as weapons of mass destruction for our father. I wondered why she had children in the first place if she didn’t like children. However, I digress. The main reason I agree with your article is that she not only wanted mental illness for herself she had my brothers and me diagnosed with mental disorders. Her diagnosis for me was ADHD. Honestly, I never felt that there was anything wrong with me. So she took me from one doctor to another until she found one that would diagnose me with ADHD and prescribe me Ritalin. I hated it. I felt no emotions at all when I took it. No anger but also no joy, No sadness but also no happiness. I felt like a zombie on the inside. It also caused me to have serious sleep disturbances and horrific nightmares. It was supposed to be given to me twice a day during the school year only. However she had me on it three times a day all year long for 7 years and the only thing I got out of it was a physical addiction. I have four children of my own now and withdrawing from that addiction was more physically painful than giving birth to four 10 pound babies combined. I refuse to go to doctors unless very ill or injured and don’t take any prescriptions other than Synthroid for low thyroid hormones. I think another issue with all these “mental Illness” classifications is being used to abuse children through the use of physicians. It is deplorable! ...

Hi, I have a story to tell, I don’t care if you like it I only need to tell it… First let me tell you a little bit about me, I am 13, my real name is not Kykie, I am a girl of course, and I am mentally messed up, or so I’ve been told. I guess the first bad thing that happened, happened when I was only four, a guy my family loved and trusted, a guy I loved and trusted started sexually assaulting me (I think that’s what they ended up charging him for), this continued up until I was about 11. Nobody noticed… Probably because nobody wanted it to be true. I wasn’t the only one that got touched by him so did my two cousins but he did the most with me, he even kissed me and told me he loved me… Honestly I thought I loved him too, I liked everything he did even when I knew it was wrong I still liked it, I actually wanted more. One night when he kissed me, I was he one that kissed him again and again. Even though my cousins told me multiple times he was bad news I didn’t listen. When the police came around because someone finally noticed I didn’t tell them everything he did… I didn’t want too, I still wanted more from him I thought he was still a good guy. I still remember what he did, setting me on his lap and touching me, even though I knew it was wrong I never refused I never even wanted him to stop… Two weeks after his arrest there was a death in the family we all knew it was coming, stage 4 brain cancer. Then nothing everything was quiet everyone treated me like a porcelain doll, fragile. Honestly, my past didn’t and doesn’t affect me but everyone else thinks it does, probably because to everyone that knows about this I act like an actual victim, like he scared me, and hurt me, like I thought everything was bad but really he never once frightened me. Then after everything settled my brother started acting out. He stared out with just smoking a little but of pot and drinking every once in a while but then everything turned around. My brother started getting aggressive getting into bad fights with my dad and attacking my mom, even hurting my siblings and me I was his first target. He stole my whole life savings from me, almost 900 dollars, that’s when I didn’t trust him anymore he did that and then I knew he doesn’t care about his family anymore, he was 15 and only cared about himself and his friends. Somewhere in that time I started cutting, and messing around with guy after guy. I didn’t actually sleep with anyone until I was about to turn 13 this year, but before I started sleeping around a bit I was doing other sexual stuff. I know it’s gross because I am so young but I felt like that was all I could do it was like it was wired into my brain, plus I have always felt older than I actually am. And to guys I was an easy target I cut, I was depressed, still am just not as bad. When I cut though I actually feel better and some people understand that and some don’t. My current boyfriend has been my longest relationship, we’ve been together for 2 months and I haven’t really done anything with him, especially since we are in different states, which is hard but we can make it. I think the reason I messed around with guys so much was I wanted to feel wanted even if it was bad, and I felt like that is what I need to do. So I told guys I was 15 or 16 and then it took off from there. My depression sky rocketed, I have attempted suicide 25 times and got caught once on an OD. I was sent to inpatient and stayed for 2 weeks, almost got sent to residential, but instead I stayed the maximum amount at inpatient and then they released me. I was put into therapy and I had to see a psychiatrist, who gave me depression meds, strong ones too. I decided to quit going and quit taking my medications cold turkey which had horrible side affects but I got over it. I’ve felt better recently I have been put into high-school AP classes after testing out for it,my brother is in drug and alcohol rehab (court ordered after not doing his probation), my boyfriend has helped A LOT (He also used to cut so kinda had an idea on how I felt), yet sometimes at least once or twice a day I still think just one cut won’t hurt, or if I was dead who would really care but in the end everyone dies might as well attempt to live miserable moments and make up for all of the stupid stuff I have done. So I guess that’s pretty much the parts of my life everyone actually finds somewhat interesting and I guess that’s what everyone sees me as… I mean they can only judge me for what they know which isn’t a lot so… ...

I am an inmate of St. Joseph’s Psychiatric Hospital, Hamilton, Ontario. Although I am still trapped in the intricate web of the forensic “mental health” system, I consider myself a psychiatric survivor. After all, I’ve made it this far, but I realize that more time is needed before I’m finally able to extricate myself from the forces of psychiatric oppression. Before entering the system, I knew virtually nothing about the philosophy and practice of psychiatry. After about a year and a half of being subjected to an endless, humiliating barrage of psychological and physical abuse, I have come to loathe and despise this pernicious and evil form of pseudoscience. ...

Despite a long debated idea about the abolishment of psychiatry and the futuristic dream for the once known mentally ill and ex mental health population of America and elsewhere, has left me dazed and confused about a lot of things. As Ex mental health patient culture to me wasn’t very helpful, I was expecting more of a professional environment, ready to help you start your career, open up flexible opportunities to make money by business networking, etc, and become a happy, successful individual and not a slave to the sadistic culture known as psychiatry. ...

I’ve spent my adult life working in mental health services. I worked for 15 years in residential treatment with adolescents, and another 15 years in large outpatient programs with adults. I’ve been in clinical roles and leadership roles, primarily as a group therapist. I am a strident cognitive behaviorist. I’ve been a passionate and sincere student of human behavior for as long as I can remember. I respect the scientific method, and try to maintain critical thinking. ...

It saddens me that there appears to be 6 distinct camps on mental illness's validity. I am convinced that Camp 1, the APA and their DSM, allow or add so many disorders, and constantly rewrite diagnosis criteria to pump up business. Camp 2: The "worried well" that feed this machine by seeking help for normal human behaviors that disturb them and they request or demand to be "cured." Camp 3: Big Pharma, encouraging the above 2. (Advertising symptoms to advertise "cures.") Camp 4: The dissenters , often those who have been misdiagnosed and fed the "cure" only to find out later (or hopefully sooner) that they never needed drugs to alleviate their "symptoms" of their "abnormality. This camp also includes those affected by a loved one's misdiagnosis and altogether unnecessary "treatment" with drugs. Sometimes these include those who have opinions, but no experience. Camp 5: Those who have experienced the horrors of living with EXTREME and valid symptoms of some abnormality that cannot be verified with any medical tests. Most of these do not seek help, usually because they don't believe they are abnormal or hope against hope that these "problems with living" will pass and their own form of normal will return and stay. (Normal can and does indeed fall on a spectrum, which often falls far to either pole.) Let’s not forget Camp 6. The dead due to suicide. They cannot defend or even explain their “stance” on it. The almost MISSING Camp is the balanced view. They (I) take ALL of the above into consideration. I know nothing of any of the many many disorders in the DSM. (DSM 5 is frighteningly LITTERED with old and new.) I do know quite a bit about Bipolar 1, Manic Depression, WHATEVER you wish to label it.. I have 30 years of experience in and out of each camp. Your take on the various symptoms as simply being a result of adults never outgrowing childish behaviors is probably 99% accurate. The other 1% are the only ones that are rarely mentioned, described, or outspoken about the growing controversy. ...

It’s been almost 3 months since I have ingested any antidepressants or benzos. Almost died after drinking a large amount of vodka with the daily does of pills. Went to a rehab for a month and have been clean since. This is after over 27 years of benzos and prozac. I am 60 years old and am finally coming a awake. The Withdrawals, notably the restless leg and horrible cramping have been horrid at night, but I am totally committed to staying off the evil pills! Thanks for listening! ...

I am a college student who has experienced several various mentally challenging roadblocks. My mental and health issues stemmed from a previous eating disorder. I have experienced stages of anxiety, depression and eating disorder relapses. My own self harm also resulted in medical conditions that I will live with and need to be treated for for the rest of my life. On days when I am feeling low, I like to write. I never usually share my writings but today, I feel that submitting the following passage will give me a sense of relief. I encourage others experiencing road blocks in their path towards recovery to write. Write whether you want to keep it for yourself or share it like I am. “Have you ever felt so ashamed and disappointed in yourself that you can not even face a mirror? Have you ever felt so engulfed in your own thoughts that you want to scream so loud that no one, except God, can hear you? Have you ever felt so alone that you contemplated contacting someone for hours, just hovering your finger over call or send. ...

I received my 'life sentence' from a Montana psychiatrist at the tender age of 22. I was diagnosed with Bipolar because I had what he called a 'chemical imbalance' in my brain and would need to take medicine to treat it for the rest of my life. At the time I was struggling to deal with the aftermath of two very violent rapes. One at the age of 13, the other at 19. I trusted this psychiatrist, never questioned him, or his authority. He was educated. I was not. Due to severe side effects, adverse reactions, and constant withdrawal symptoms from ALL the psychiatric drugs approximately 75 over time) I became 'stuck' in the revolving door of psychiatric hospitals, emergency rooms, ICU's, and jails for the next 35 years from psychiatric drug- induced: mania's, crippling depressions to the point of at least 15 suicide attempts - 2 resulting in coma, Klonopin induced anxiety developing into chronic panic attacks and finally full-blown agoraphobia when I've never experienced this before, excruciating migraines, self-hatred, social isolation, increased alcohol use to combat the akathesia, the loss of self, anger, rage, and violence. And then my Mental Healthcare workers told me it was 'just fine' to cold turkey from my Klonopin after 10+ years of use never mentioning one single withdrawal symptom I may experience. I was left to endure the mental torture of this withdrawal at my home, alone. I developed all the classic symptoms: light, sound sensitivity, hallucinations, sweating, anxiety/panic so extreme I didn't know the human mind could tolerate it or survive, heart palpitations, no sleep for 5 continuous days, psychosis so severe that I had no contact with Reality (at all) as I once knew it and seizures. I also became catatonic. I prayed for death every second of every minute of every hour of everyday for 6 weeks. I was denied access to my psychiatrist. Protocol was through our therapist who I tried twice only to be told "No, you have to wait until your next scheduled appointment". I told her I wasn't going to last that long, and I didn't. Due to the extreme psychosis I ended up in the psyche hospital and then the ER after being in this anxiety/pure panic/psychotic state of mind with no sleep for five continuous days my body began shaking uncontrollably and I didn't know how to get it to stop. I later filed a 'Recipients' Rights' case against them for 'neglect of care' which was DENIED because I signed a simple one-page Klonopin consent form the year before that didn't list any withdrawal symptoms. Because my Mental Healthcare wouldn't help me determine 'what the hell I just went through for 6 long horrific, torturous weeks' (my K-pin withdrawal - 50 symptoms) if it was Benzodiazepine withdrawal or Serotonin Syndrome I decided to get off my Effexor, Trazodone, & Lithium because I knew I would never, ever survive another 'what ever that was' again,and I believed it could be nowhere near as traumatic as my K-pin withdrawal. I was very wrong. Still no mention of withdrawal symptoms from workers I saw every week. Once again, the classic symptoms introduced themselves: brain zaps, severe flu like symptoms, every muscle in my being ached, chronic insomnia (2 hrs of sleep a night for 5 months. When I was able to sleep it was only terrifying nightmares.) the ungodly uncontrollable mental anguish of the 'crying spells' that pharmaceutical companies downplay for 5 long months, suicidality, mania, depression, compulsive-obsessive thinking, anger, rage, violence along with a host of other symptoms, but this is the most horrifying symptom I developed - homicidality. I sat at my kitchen table for months planning out this mass shooting that I knew I was going to die in. In fact, in my psychotic mind, it was not only OK, it was expected. I was a 57 year old grandmother of 9 grandchildren at the time. I should not have to know what it feels like to become a killer, let alone a mass killer. My brain became so impaired, disabled, and ragefully psychotic from these withdrawals that it's a miracle I didn't find a gun. I did put myself in a psychiatric hospital because of this where I begged them to treat me without using psychiatric drugs, only they didn't see it that way. I was 'Court Ordered' to take Risperdal, Cogentin, Neurontin & Ambien and in this drug induced mental state my house burns to the ground and I'm left homeless. It's been 2 1/2 years since my Klonopin withdrawal. 1 1/2 years since my Effexor, Trazodone & Lithium withdrawal so I'm off ALL psychiatric drugs although I do have extensive cognitive impairment, but I have my own feelings, thoughts and behaviors back. I literally started my life over at the age of 57. I am now 59. And isn't it amazing that since I stopped taking my medicine the revolving door into the psych hospitals, ER, the Intensive Care Units and jails has miraculously stopped - completely. Our psychiatrists have no idea how we suffer at their hands. They refuse to acknowledge us, listen to us, or even believe what we tell them because, after all, according to them, "What do we know? We're mentally ill." Sandra ...